A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Brian Carroll about his epic man lust, and some of the stuff he was doing with his nutrition. Man lust aside, I noticed from talking to him via text and phone, and stalking him on Facebook, that he was all about his nutrition and stuff like that now, and how he was getting stronger. Also saw the pictures he would post every so often showing him getting leaner, but not losing weight on the scale. He also told me that he wasn’t really counting calories, paying attention to macros, or anything else that pretty people spend their time worrying about. Stay away from carbohydrates during the day, and go wild at night. Eat whatever you want after you train. Sounds like a horse that I can hitch my wagon too. Eating like total shit is a HUGE past time of mine.

After about 5762987 trillion text messages and half as many emails back and forth between Kiefer and myself, we came up with a plan. For those of you who are unaware of Kiefer, he has a Masters degree in Physics. Attention to detail is the name of the game. This is, in parts, VERY simple. It also requires a bit of reading of his blog on my part, which is fine, and a bit of application knowledge on my part, which is also fine. I work at a gym, and lift weights and do stuff. Im not going to completely outline it, but some changes we made, things we added in, and other things we dropped follow

1. Quit eating breakfast and start drinking coffee. The breakfast part was easy. My first meal was usually anywhere from 5-7 hours after I woke up in the morning. Yes. 5-7 hours. Apparently I was getting jacked without even realizing, and to that end, caring. I just want to be strong as fuck. Should I happen to look good and smoking hot chicks wanna bang me? I’m cool with that too. The coffee was MUCH more difficult. I HATE coffee. I don’t know how you sick fucks drink it. I really don’t. Kiefer and my girlfriend BOTH swear it is some sweet nectar from the gods, however I thought, and still think, it tastes like piss. From the Gods, perhaps, but its still terrible. I usually managed to ALWAYS burn myself with it too, and I just have a general disdain for warm drinks in general. Tea sucks too. Claire hooked me up though, and we defeated the heat with a coffee cup in the freezer, handfuls of ice cubes, and the pot its self in the freezer. As for the taste, heavy cream and some Splenda are nice.
2. Added in leucine to everything. Apparently the stuff is pretty amazing. I know Shelby and Justin Harris have been firing off and raving about it for years, and I used it sometimes, but was woefully inconsistent with it. I’m now finding out that I spent all of that time pissing up a rope, as it seems to definitely be helping me get jacked and swole, brah.
3. Added some supplements at every meal. Now, in addition to what amounts to normal food, I eat a scoop of Anaconda or Mag 10, leucine, and low carb Metabolic Drive. All of these are Biotest supplements by the way. Then, I eat whatever the hell I want. Usually a sammich. My favorite food group. Tastes like amazing. A word to the wise. DO NOT MIX ALL OF THIS TOGETHER. It tastes like DEATH. I would rather drink hot black coffee than hydrolyzed casein. It’s seriously awful. Do like the bottle says, and mix it alone with the flavor stuff. It’s a million times better, and you don’t end up vomiting it into the trashcan like some washed up fitness bunny.
4. Kept the Gangster Anaconda protocol the same. It actually works VERY well with Kiefers’ system. This is a plus for me. Did I mention I eat like total shit after I train?
5. Do some walking around or random sprinting on the treadmill. Also do some prowler work. This will piss all of you off: if I run on the treadmill, I wear Vibram Five Fingers or I do it barefoot! My hips, knees, ankles and lower back also feel like a million bucks all of the time. Feel free to express your hatred for me taking part in a “fitness trend” and feeling awesome in the comment section below. I can also run for at least 60 seconds at a 6 minute a mile pace. This is infinitely better for me as a person than dragging a sled like a mindless idiot back and forth. Both help with heart attack aversion.
6. EAT LIKE TOTAL SHIT AT NIGHT. This is the best part. It wasn’t really a change (Ask Wendler), but how fucking awesome is this? Seriously? Its like a sore pecker. You just cant beat it. Ice cream? Pizza? Pop by the gallon? M&Ms? I eat all of this shit, from about 1030 at night until I fall asleep at 3-4am. Ill give you an example of what I ate last night. I could probably produce a receipt for all of this stuff, but really don’t care if you believe or not that much.

Foot long from Subway with a bag of Doritos, big bag of peanut M&Ms, 20oz bottle of pepsi, and a 4 gallon can of monster. Made it back to Wendlers house and ate some of his M&Ms and 2 of his Klondike bars. Then I drank 2 cans of pepsi, ate some more M&Ms, had 2 scoops of protein powder, and went to bed. Whats not to love? My pancreas absolutely hates me, but in this day and age, whose doesn’t? Really? Shelby, put your hand down.

Also, Ive been having a hard time forcing food during the day. I might eat 1-2 times before I train, 3 at most. Kiefer added a super gangster shake that has a ton of stuff in it. Going to start with it probably on Monday, as I plan on consuming more calories than I should all weekend. ALL HAIL NACHOS!

Obviously, it is more involved than this, but, its Kiefers stuff, not mine, and I’m not going to give it to you. He might, if you ask him nice, and paypal him some cash.  I will say that you can pick up a ton of it from his blog at http://www.dangerouslyhardcore.com , and for those of you who are interested, his blog definitely has the information you will need to get started on your journey to be as awesome as I am.

As some of you may or may not know, I have been fortunate enough to train with Chuck Vogelpohl since I made the move to Columbus. We normally train at Lexen Xtreme, in Grove city, Ohio. On Friday, we squatted and pulled at EFS, as Chuck was going out of town Saturday. I sucked. I don’t know if I need some time off, or the fact that it was a day earlier than we normally train, which hammered our recovery a bit, but it didn’t go well. I have some video of me deadlifting that I’m seriously too embarrassed about to even put in a team awful video. Coll thing is that I now have a chuck story that is on par with Daves about missing a weight, adding 50lbs to the bar, and killing it.

We were pulling. Chuck was super gear whored because hes old. he had a squat suit on top of I had a belt on. We worked up to something heavy, I don’t remember what the weight was. He missed it bad. Pulled it maybe 2 inches off of the floor. I missed it HORRIBLY. Twice. Not sure if I broke the floor at all. He takes 5 minutes, takes the squat suit OFF, and pulls the fucking thing like an empty bar. Dude is a fucking maniac and an awesome guy to train with. Absolutely amazing.

Hey guys, just wanted to give those of you who still read my blog here a bit of an update on whats been going on the last few weeks, and believe me, there has been a TON of stuff happening.

First thing, and this is a basis for a lot of the other stuff Ive got going on, but my stress levels are through the roof right now, and I’m forgetting shit that I shouldn’t as a result. This blog for example. I havent posted much of anything here in a while. Im working on that, and working to improve that stuff Ive been fucking up is fixed now however, so its no longer an issue worth discussing. Stress levels are still high, but apparently, thats how its going to be for a while. Shit happens.

I’m going to be doing the SPF ProAm in August Rawdog. I know this goes against everything that I believe in as a man, and as a lifter, but with all of the other things I have going, I honestly don’t have the time, energy, or mental capacity to try to jack with gear and fit it into training. I love it to death, but, like so many other things right now, it’s going to be easier for me to just go into the meet with as little distraction as possible. RAWDOG all the way, with the most bad ass singlet you’ve ever seen. I will however, continue to refer to raw lifting as gay, and refuse to put it into all caps. Just because I’m doing it doesn’t mean I have respect for it. To you rawdog guys reading this, keep the sand out of your panties. Its a fucking JOKE.

Had, what was, in my opinion, a HUGE hiccup at the gym that has now been straightened out. Maybe it wasn’t as big as I had imagined, but for a couple of weeks, I was under the impression that we were done as a barbell club. Being as that was where my income was completely based from, you can imagine the shit and stress that this too caused. When it rains it pours.

I decided to take a new job, and will be moving to Columbus, Ohio in the next week or two. Its a little faster than I had wanted it to be, but at this point, I really don’t care. Its going to be totally worth it. I’m actually leaving again tomorrow so that I can be there bright and early Monday morning, and not have been up 4 hours before hand. Got some admin type stuff to do at the new job.

As for an actual training update, the Pro Am is slightly less than 15 weeks away. I will be breaking into the accumulation block this week, and run a 14 week meet cycle, still using the Block Periodization stuff I used last time. Outside of what I managed to do to fuck it up, I feel it worked incredibly well for me. Going to be doing a lot of work with my diet stuff too. My appetite, as many can verify, has been in the toilet as of late, and Ive got some plans to work on that. My diet has also been pretty sub par compared to where it normally is, so Im planning on fixing that, and trying to actually lift as a 275. I think if I can get within 10lbs, i will definitely do it. Weight is hovering around 290-295 depending on if Ive eaten that day or not. I’ve had some days where Ive only eaten once or twice. This is completely unacceptable. You cant stay in Rhodestown on 1500 calories a day. Just ask Vincent.

from semiprofessional.wordpress.com

The Angry Coach and his driver picked me up in typical New York fashion, that being that they were 40 minutes late. Wasn’t too bad, as I got to see some real big city type stiff. Not really, but I did see a gang of Asian dudes motherfukc an old man who was working at airport security a half dozen times, and some NYPD officers get loud with some cabby, who, from the looks of him, didn’t understand a word they had to say. The highlight was probably the cabby who just repeatedly yelled the word “douchebag “out his window, over and over, for a good 2 minutes. Doesn’t sound like much, but say the word douchebag out loud. Doesn’t take long. Now do it for 2 minutes, only stopping to reload your lungs for the next verbal assault. NOW you see how entertaining it was to behold. He eventually let off, and I honestly never did see whom the hell he was yelling at. Fortunately, after Bob and his driver picked me up, the rest of the night was pretty uneventful.

We left the Angry Coach’s place pretty early Thursday morning. That’s a total lie; it’s his Moms place. She let us stay as Bob has an approximately 46 square foot apartment in the city that he can hardly sleep in by himself. Freddy Francisco, his driver, picked us up, and we were on our way to AthElite, http://www.athelitetraining.com/ Ben Tonon and Dave Cavalluzzos gym located in Hawthorne, New Jersey. Thanks to the apparent lack of any sort of legal requirement, such as a license, to drive in NYC, the 30 mile drive took approximately 2 hours and cost us just under 600 dollars in tolls.

We managed to beat the photographer and his assistant there, which was surprising, at least to me. I’m never on time to much of anything. It took them a while to get set up, and once they did, it was time to get busy. Or so I thought. Being my first day working as a professional fitness model, I had no idea what to expect. Was pretty cool though, the photographer was kind enough to explain anything I had questions about what the hell was going on. It was pretty apparent to everyone there I really had no idea.

I really had no idea how long it would take, or the amount of time it would take getting the “right” picture. I tried to make sure that he got me from my good side, but, as anyone who has met me will tell you, I don’t have a good side. They’re all awful. It sounds way better if you say it though. At least in my own head it did.
I honestly was surprised to find out how long some of the stuff takes. I was under the impression that I was just going to be training, and that he would be taking pictures as I went along. Once again, WRONG. I did get to warmup, and do everything I needed to do, but then, I found out how they get the sweet pictures they have in the magazines. They’re fake. Not fake in the sense that the stuff isn’t being done, but they’re kind of “posed,” if you will. I did however refuse, on more than one occasion, to go all Matt Kroczalewski and open my mouth as wide as I can, as if a 225lb squat is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Sorry Matt. It’s not that hard. Not for me!

The Angry Coach made sure to blow me enough shit while we were there to keep it entertaining as well. I thought that, as a Senior Editor of a Major National Magazine, that he would be all business and get pissy at me for acting like a retard the whole time, but he didn’t. Which was probably a good thing. I might have felt bad if I had to kick his ass at his own photoshoot. I’m kidding.

Did a little bit of training while I was there too; I’m so much more than a pretty face. Actually ended up squatting and doing some rack pulls, and a little benching, so that the Angry Coach could see how a man lifts. Its unfortunate that I didn’t have the flip, as I had to do something that I literally hadn’t done in years, and will probably NEVER< EVER, do again. Walk out a squat with a 7-foot Olympic bar. I gave fair warning to Rob that it was going to be one of the most disgusting things he had ever seen in a weightroom, bar none, and I didn’t disappoint. Was literally an hours worth of footage for Team Awful, and not one second of it was caught on tape. Dammit. Such a waste. It was so bad; the photographers’ assistant actually asked Rob if it was safe. He has been lifting for 7 months or so, if I remember correctly. How is that for Awesome? As far as the squatting, I don’t remember what I worked up to, but I know it wasn’t a whole lot. Maybe like 800 or so. Maybe a touch less.

Since my back was, and still is, a bit jacked up we did some rack pulls versus pulls from the floor. Surprisingly these went well. I really had no idea how my back would react, but other than being a bit stiff, it gave me no problems. It was kind of funny here, as the photographer, Mat, wanted me to do the Kroc faces. I told him the weights weren’t enough to do it, and I didn’t really know how to make faces. So we put some more weight on the bar. This happened 3 times. He got the shot he wanted, and I hit 675 for a double.

After the deadlifting, we were pretty much finished. Did some more different stuff, but nothing related to lifting. He got some pretty cool shots though. Apparently I do have the ability to look EXTREMELY creepy if need be. As if I didn’t know I had a sweet stalker stare anyway.

Probably one of the coolest parts of the day came after the pictures were almost done. Ben called Rob, and asked him if he thought I would be interested in speaking to the Bergen Catholic High School football team. For those of you who aren’t aware, Bergen Catholic has some ridiculous athletes on their team. Ever hear of a guy named Brian Cushing? He played for Ben and Dave for 4 years before making his way to USC and the Houston Texans. I’m sure the fact that Ben himself played for the Philadelphia Eagles had something to do with that as well. Im still convinced you cant coach something you have no idea how to do yourself. As a frame of reference, they played Don Bosco Prep within a touchdown last year. Don Bosco was the Number One high school team in the country last year. These dudes can play some football. Was great to get to talk to them Took about 20 minutes and talked to them about my story, and the importance of focusing on today, as you have no idea what will happen tomorrow. I think they enjoyed it, as they all paid attention. You know how kids are. If they don’t care, they don’t listen.

In closing, I just want to take a second and say thanks to The Angry Coach, Rob Fitzgerald, for the hospitality, and more so, the opportunity to make this happen. Thanks to Ben and Dave for letting us use the gym, and letting me talk to their team while they were in the middle of a training session. I really appreciate all of it.

Photo by phillipmak

Barefoot Jump Rope
75 jumps

Lax Ball work
Focusing on QL injury site

Flat DB Presses
30×8
40×8
50x3x8

Cable crossover
40x3x12

Pullups
30 total reps

DD Handle pullups
30 total reps

DB Shrugs
45×20
100x2x12
115x3x8

Fat Gripz bodyweight hangs from Chinup bar
4×10 second holds

Sand bucket
2×10 reps each hand

Done. back is still feeling good and jacked up, but not in a bad way at all. I think I’m going to keep doing a bunch of chins and pullups until I get to the point i can do 100 in a workout, or get bored of them. Whichever is first. Shrugs will stay unti I get some traps. May be a while. hahaha I really had fun with todays workout though, and hope that the oher workouts, this week and next, are as effective. I can feel my back starting to get sore now, so hopefully that is a good sign!

Sorry guys for the total lack of updates from me. I trained last week, on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. You’ve already seen Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday was, quite possibly, my worst day in the gym I can remember. i did manage to set 2 PRs however. Injuries.

Started with the standard warmup as far as jumprope, soft tissue mobilization, and stretching, and proceeded to box jumps. Was jumping on a 37″ box. On what was literally the last jump, I missed it, and fell off, landing on my shit arm. My elbow still feels like shit, and my shoulder makes a grinding noise that wasn’t there before. It hurts too. Injury number one.

After a few minutes to get the feeling back in my arm/hand, went ahead and continued on to deadlifts. Started at 135, and worked up to 705. Was going to try to pull it for a couple of reps. About knee high on the first rep, my grip went, and something in my back popped. Injury number 2. At this point, I just quit for the day.

Thursday, the back literally kicked my ass, from the time I woke up. It didn’t feel bad, when i woke up. Got up to piss and get a dip, and as soon as I stood up out of bed, it locked up and literally put me on the floor. Awesome. NOT. Gimped around in pain all day until about 330 that afternoon. Went over to IFAST, where a buddy of mine, Mike Robertson works. For those of you who aren’t aware of Mike, you should be. He is a rehab/corrective guy, and his stuff is AMAZING. He and his partner Bill Hartman were a HUGE help to me when my hips were so jacked up I coudlnt squat to parallel with less than 405lbs, and I figured that perhaps he could help with my back. He did. After about 20 minutes of talking, “ghetto” ART (his term), and some lacrosse ball work, I went from being able to bend over to where I could touch my knees with my finger tips (about 6″ ROM) to being able to touch my toes with minimal discomfort. He also told me that I have injured something in my QL, and should be better in about 2 weeks. So that’s what I have been dealing with here, injury and training wise. Good times.

This is an Article I originally wrote for EFS. Its definitely worth sharing though.

If you were born with a penis, chances are you have a favorite Chinese buffet. If you weren’t, you probably have one too, but it’s for the wrong reasons – like its proximity to the discount shoe store.

Chances are you realize the caloric surplus you can put yourself in for the week just by spending an hour or so of your time there every day. With that said, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. Some of you are aware of it, others perhaps not. For those of you who are veteran buffet crushers, you may not need this, but for those of you new to the game, here are a few tips that should help you dominate your buffet and get the most bang for your buck.

Restaurant Selection: How can this be #1 if we already have a favorite buffet we eat at? Three letters can answer this for you: MSG. Ask them if they use MSG next time you go there. If they say no, leave. If they waver – and then say no – sit down and put one piece of anything fried in your mouth. Instant, massive salivation means you have a new home, and Betty at the front is a damn liar. Don’t believe the bullshit that MSG is bad for you. I can’t think of a better tool in your quest for the bloat. All that trash you read about excitotoxins and cardiac stress? Just think of it as exercising your mind and doing cardio WHILE YOU EAT! This is the model of training efficiency. Tons of good things, all at once. Efficient!

Now that we have the easy stuff out of the way, let’s move on to the proper selection of food choices.

1.      Crab Legs: Avoid these. There’s too much time involved cracking shells for too little amount of meat. Chances are the damned things have sat too long in the brine/fat bath and the shells are more like the consistency of wet cardboard, as opposed to the hard consistency they have at reputable eateries. This makes expediting the cracking impossible, and turns everything into an exercise in futility. Leave them for the fat white trash idiots who want crab legs, but are too broke to hit Red Lobster.

Corollary to No. 1: If you’re eating at the buffet pre-training, or pre-meet, HAMMER THE CRABLEGS. They let these things sit for hours in some sort of brine salt tub and the meat soaks it up well. Great for the bloat!

2.      White Rice/Fried Rice/Egg-Spring Rolls/Noodles Of Any Sort: Another to avoid. All these amount to is wasted space. Leave them for those on carb-cycling diets.

3.      Fried Shrimp: An undercover filler-upper. This is complete bullshit, and is done for no other reason than to sabotage your caloric intake and help them improve their “bottom line.” This is where you turn it around on them. EAT the shrimp. A TON of them. The secret to properly destroying fried shrimp on the buffet is to remove all of the breading and eat only the shrimp. It’s fried, so you’ll get all of the healthy fats from the deep fryer, but not the wasted space the breading steals from you! Look at the first piece you eat and realize how much space you’ve been wasting all these years!

4.      Generals Tso’s Chicken: This is your savior on the buffet line. Protein wrapped in dough, fried and then bathed in a sugary glaze! But what about the wasted space from the breading? Don’t worry. Most places make this as an actual item, and don’t just pour it into the fryer from a box. So wasted space from breading is minimal. I’ve also found that the time required to remove it slows you down too much – like the crab legs as discussed earlier. You DON’T want to slow your pace at any time while you’re at the buffet. This allows for things fitness and diet gurus refer to as “satiety” to set in, and that’s not in line with our goals. Not at all. Remember that the breading combined with the sugar-based “sauce” gives you the double insulin punch, which is VITAL for recovery post workout. Everyone knows about that.

5.      Steak: A double agent is in our midst! It’s pretty common knowledge in professional eating circles that “cooked to order steaks” at a Chinese buffet are really recycled tires slathered in Lawry’s Seasoned Salt. This is too much chewing for too little return.

A few other tips for you:

·        Drink Coke. Real coke, not the diet shit. Liquid calories are a bonus!

·        Fried anything is good.

·        Avoid anything that ends in “with Broccoli.” – remember wasted space!

·        Avoid any type of soup. It’s for girls. Look at Panera – for girls. Don’t eat it.

·        They have 12 kinds of ice cream for a reason.

·        There is no crab in Crab Rangoon.

·        Chicken on a stick is really pork. Eat it.

·        Tip 50 cents per refill of your coke. You better drink at least $4 worth, but $6 dollars is ideal.

If you follow the guidelines listed above, you’ll be well on your way to owning the Chinese buffet. Any questions, comments, or suggestions of things that I may have missed, by all means, drop me a line in the Q&A! GOOD LUCK!

You guys ever wonder if its a technique issue or a strength issue tyhat could be holding your numbers in the gym back? Saturday, Claire came over to the gym from Ohio to get some help with her deadlift. She got a TON of volume in pulling. Way more than you would want to do on her max effort days, but this happens. When you’re trying to help someone with technique, you HAVE to see where they miss, and how they do it. EVERYONE looks good with light weights. She was a quick learner, and, after getting her to try a switch from her normal sumo style deadlift, she worked up to and hit a 265lb conventional deadlift. I made this video for fun, as you will be able to tell, but also as a teaching tool, not only for her, but anyone that watches it. If you watch the first pull, that she misses, you can see that her weight is shifted forward onto her toes, and consequently, she missed the lift. Pretty badly too. If you look at the second clip, her stance and setup are the same, but she is pulling the bar BACK, as opposed to up. I really think that the results speak for themselves. Hopefully you guys pick up on the differences, and if you have any questions, by all means, ask!

Hey guys, here is a video I did for the EFS Exercise Index. I’m also going to use it in the exercise Index here. Like it says, it is an Overhead Squat performed with the TRX Suspension Trainer. The TRX is rapidly becoming one of my favorite pieces of equipment in the gym, after the monolift and power racks. Would probably be number 2 if I didnt absolutely HATE walking out squats. Give the video a look, and let me know what you think. Any questions, comments, hatemail, etc, by all means let me know.

Had a few guys in the gym today. Ball State is on Spring Break this week, so numbers will be down some. Decided to pull some today, as my deadlift is still in the dumpster. Was me, Joe, Sam, Big Swole, and Brandon. Alva showed up later, as he was working 700 light years away.

Jump-rope
100 Reps

Lax Ball

Static Stretches

Hip Mobility Stuff

Deadlifts off of 3″ mats, NO BELT
135×10
135×5
225×5
315×3
365×3
405×3
455×3
495×3
545×3
605×3 PR
The first and 3rd rep were good technique wise, but rep number 2 was a stiff leg. Also, deadlifting is HARD without a belt when done like this. My saving grace is that I beat Big Swole by 50lbs and 2 reps. He also wore a belt.

Bodybuilder Barbell Rows
135×10
315×10
365×4

My low back was fried after the deadlifts. Was all over the place. Probably could have done more, but was starting to get a fairly significant heave after 4 reps.

Safety Squat Bar Good Mornings
Barx10
95×10
135x2x10

Upper back exercise
95×10
135×10
185×10
Not sure what these are truly called. I’m going to get a video of the technique though, as this is a lift that HAMMERS your upper back. Im going to get some video for the Exercise Index here today or tomorrow and include it. I think you guys will enjoy it.

DB Shrug
45x2x20
70x2x10
EVERY rep was done with a 3 second pause at the top. Ass kickers for sure.

Pulldown Abs
Heavy for 3 sets of 12.

Fat Gripz DB holds
70lb DBs for 3 sets of 15 seconds

Then I stretched out some and had some clients come in. Good times, but my back is SMOKED up. Took a contrast shower and had my wife do some work on my back before bed, and I feel much better now, but will be pretty sore tomorrow.